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Informal Pitch: A Serious Cop Drama Starring Adam Sandler

Synopsis: A sadistic serial killer stalks the sleepy suburbs of South Florida, targeting young children. The homicide detective assigned to the case (Adam Sandler), still haunted by the unsolved disappearance of his own son years ago, turns to alcohol and drugs to suppress his painful memories. His partner (Seth Rogen), disgusted by his self-destructive behavior, attempts to nab the perp on his own—only to become a victim himself. Shaken by his failure to prevent another death, our hero must sober up if he hopes to finally put the murderer (Gilbert Gottfried) behind bars.

The joke is that all three actors are playing their usual comedic personas, but the script is a serious cop drama, played completely straight. The juxtaposition just cracks me up:

Sandler (Waterboy voice): “Unlock this cell, Eddie! I have to save the kids!”

Rogen: “You’re not saving anyone until you save yourself, man! Stay in there until that junk’s out of your system. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Sandler: “Eddie, no! Come back, you can’t do this by yourself!“


Rogen (bleeding, back against a wall): “So it was you all along…”

Gottfried (Aflac voice, cocking revolver hammer): “Dat’s right! But you won’t live long enough to tell anyone.”


[Originally written May 28, 2017.]

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